Words Is Hard Sometimes

Although I enjoy my blog and the 3 of you that actually read it, I keep it on the lighter side of things because a) this ain't a private blog and b) serious writing is for personal journals. But I feel like I need to write a little bit about my blogging absence the last week and a half, and hopefully it doesn't sound all weird and stuff.
So, those of you who know me well enough know that my dad died on February 6th. It came out of NOWHERE and even worse, our relationship had been strained for over a year when this happened. Because of all this, I've had a hard time figuring out what to write here that will sound like ME again. And I came to the conclusion that for now, anyway, I'm not the me I was 10 days ago.
I miss my dad so much...and even writing 'so much' seems inadequate. I'm beyond thankful for the years I had with him, because several of my friends lost their fathers at even younger ages. I'm glad he was able to see me graduate from high school and college, and walk me down the aisle when I got married. But it's hard knowing that he won't ever get to hold my someday-children, or be around for holidays, or grow old with my stepmom. Right now it's easy - well, easy-ish I guess - to do normal things and forget for a while that he's gone. But when my mind goes idle, and my thoughts wander, I think of those things he's missing or going to miss, and suddenly my eyes tear up and I feel sadder than ever.
If there is one good lesson to be learned from this, it's this: Always love. Yeah, it's the title of a Nada Surf song, but it works. I know that my dad loved me and that I loved him, but we didn't say it as often as we should have, especially over the last year. If I could do things differently, I would. I regret that I let my pride and stubbornness keep me from letting him know that even when we had our differences, I loved him just as much as when we weren't at odds. As cliche as it sounds, sometimes tomorrow doesn't come...so you need to make every day count. Tell someone you love that you love them, no matter what.
And Dad...wherever you may be...I love you. I always have and I always will.